Karma
by Acajou Amarth
Summary: Addison thinks Karma's nice and life is good in sunny LA, until she get's a secretary who happens to know a certain exintern of hers... No, correction: Karma sucks. Addex eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Right now, I own a new idea, an empty stomach and writing-hungry fingers, but not Grey's. I'm working on that, though. **

**Warning: I do not watch Private Practise! Don't know these people!**

**A/N: So, this. Is not important to me at all. It's just standard situation: I have an idea and don't get it out of my head until it's written down. It's a crappy one and I don't even know where I'm heading with this, but whatever. It will be Addex, eventually (obviously). I don't know when I'll update, whether I'll even ever update, and I do get that I just lost my last reader before they even started reading the fic. :P Have fun!**

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_Karma_

You could call it Karma. It was finally making up for all the crap it had thrown in her direction. Apparently it did like her after all. It was about time.

Addison was doing fine, for once in her life. She was starting over, which was a good thing, and she was making friends, which was something she'd kind of missed back in Seattle (since Callie had been the only person who hadn't hated her mere existence, Mark didn't count as a friend and neither did Alex Karev) and she was even kind of interested in maybe moving on with handsome guy Pete. No more McDreamy, no more McSteamy and especially no more Alex Karev.

Before she'd moved here, she had refused to admit it, but he'd really gotten to her. An intern, who wasn't even interested, or at least didn't want more from her than sex (which she should have expected, but hadn't), and she'd actually learned to like him. If she hadn't been let down this badly, she might even be in love with him by now, which was clearly crazy. It was just this thing that he did, the thing when he said perfect things, things that made her knees buckle under and her breath catch in her throat. Had said. He wasn't saying things to her anymore. She was gone and all. And she wasn't missing him or anything. She just thought about him every once in a while (approximately every ten seconds).

Anyway, Karma. Today was a special day here at Oceanside Wellness Group, because she, Dr Addison Forbes Montgomery would get her own secretary. Totally unnecessary and a waste of money, really, but an interesting thing. And she looked nice. Rather small, brown long hair and a charming smile. Like she couldn't harm anyone or anything. Addison had a feeling she'd get along with her just fine.

"Uh-... So you're my secretary.", she greeted, not really knowing what to say, "It is strange saying this. Welcome to my office."

She laughed a little and the woman smiled a little and shook her hand.

"It's Melody. Melody Karev. Nice to meet you."

Addison was too busy being reminded of her ex-intern, non-boyfriend or whatever to exchange pleasantries.

"Karev? Wow, that name does seem to follow me everywhere, doesn't it?", she muttered sarcastically. It was true. She never did seem to be able to escape thoughts about her disturbingly hot intern mancandy, even though he wasn't constantly right in front of her eyes anymore (in her dreams, he was, but she tended to try and ignore that once she was awake again).

Anyway, Melody Karev seemed rather confused at her dry statement.

"Huh? Sorry, what are you saying?"

"Do you happen to know Alex Karev?", Addison asked, "I-... uh... worked with him in Seattle."

Haha, 'worked' with him in so many ways... Urgh, naughty, porny thoughts again! She really needed to find out how she could quit that guy.

"Oh, so he's in Seattle?", Melody quirked a brow, something usually only Addison did. Apparently they did have something other than Alex Karev in common. Not that she 'had' Alex Karev. She just didn't seem to ever not think about that guy.

"You do know him. How strange. Are you his sister or something?", she asked, quirking a brow right back (just for the sake of it).

"No, I'm his wife."

And this was the moment when Dr Addison Forbes Montgomery realized she wasn't doing fine after all. And she decided Karma was a bitch and didn't like her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Addex never ended. I'm happy in the land of denial. And I do not own Grey's. If I did, it wouldn't have to be called 'denial'.**

**A/N: Since some of you actually want me to go on (I was a little surprised, since I think the idea is total and utter crap), I decided to give you a second chapter. Let's take it from there. Have fun, tell me what you think about it.**

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She'd brushed Melody Karev off rather quickly, hoping she hadn't been too rude. Her head was still spinning with the unexpected information. Alex Karev. Her intern. The guy she'd been practically pining for. Married. Not even divorced. Melody had said "wife", not "ex-wife". Alex Karev was married.

So she did what she did in those situations, she gave Callie a call. She missed Callie. The tough Ortho-resident had turned out to be a true friend and she'd appreciated the company a lot. She dialed the phone number of Callie's cell, since she didn't know whether she still had a room in the Archfield.

As soon as someone picked up, Addison half-yelled:

"Guess what? Alex Karev? That son of a bitch is married! I mean, I slept with a guy when I was married, but I NEVER slept with a married guy! At least not one I wasn't married to, that is. Hello? How dare he withhold that kind of information? I'm an adulterous whore!"

"Uh, Dr Montgomery, is that you?"

Crap, that most certainly wasn't Callie.

"Dr O'Malley? Why are you answering Callie's phone?", she asked, slapping herself for telling him of all people that kind of stuff.

"I'm her husba-... YOU SLEPT WITH ALEX? ALEX IS MARRIED?"

Argh. Not good. Not good at all. Sure, O'Malley wasn't exactly a gossip, but he'd tell at least Grey and Stevens. And they'd tell Derek and everyone else. She could almost picture Izzie Stevens kicking Karev's ass. Which would have been a enlightening thought if she didn't want to do that herself.

"Uh, yes. Just pass Callie the phone. Please.", she half-begged. Bad, bad situation...

"Callie isn't here. Oh my god... That explains his sudden love for neonatal..."

Now that surprised her. Pleasantly. Apparently he was at least a good guy when medicine was concerned. She might have at least gotten to him in that way, which was something good. He'd been amazing the last few months they'd worked together: Focused, caring, but not too much, and with a genuine talent for dealing with patients and newborns.

"He's still in neonatal?", Addison rechecked, a smile slowly making its way onto her face.

"Yes, Ma'm. Uh, Dr Montgomery.", O'Malley answered.

Addison tried to focus on the reason why she was calling and to get the image of her intern standing over an incubator in the NICU, softly caressing a preemie's face with his fingertip. It apparently took a while to get that stupid little smile off her face, since O'Malley once more asked:

"Dr Montgomery?", as if to check whether she was still on the phone.

"Uh, yes, I'm still here. Do you have his phone number?", she finally managed to pull herself together and to remember that he was MARRIED and that she would kick his ass for that.

"Yeah, sure.", O'Malley said, still sounding a little shocked and confused, before he gave her the number. Addison told him to say hi to Callie for her before she hung up and cursed herself for not having told him to keep his mouth shut about what she'd accidentally let slip.

Alex' phone was answered by-... Meredith Grey? Huh? Was she sleeping with him now? Had she given up on Derek and moved to the next married person around? Okay, that had been mean. Besides, she couldn't possibly know that, could she?

"Grey mansion."

"Uh... Does Alex live here?", Addison finally uttered, a little dumbfounded.

"Yes, I'll get him for y-...", Meredith interrupted herself, "Addison? I mean, Dr Montgome-... Addison?"

Urgh, caught. What exactly was she supposed to say now?

"Yes, it's me. Just give him the phone. Why _do_ you have his phone, by the way?"

And no, that had not been jealousy in her voice. She didn't get jealous. Especially not over some married jackass who didn't mean anything to her. Nothing. No thing. Urgh, bad.

"He lives with me and Izzie. Since when are you on first-name base?"

And caught again. Damnit.

"We aren't.", she didn't admit it, but she was getting a little uncomfortable now, "Is he not in the house, Grey, or do you simply enjoy making me wait?"

"Uh, no, he's right here. Alex? Addison wants to talk to you!"

Addison could almost picture her yell through the house. Answering was a:

"What? Why would she be calling me? She hates me."

Damn right he was. But it was disturbingly good hearing his voice again. That kind of thought had to stop. Seriously.

"I don't know, she won't tell. She sounds a little angry.", Meredith told him. A little. Ha, a little? She was fuming with anger! She just had to keep reminding herself.

Finally he seemed to take the phone and he muttered:

"Uh, hello?"

"ALEX KAREV! YOU ARE TAKING THE NEXT TWO DAYS OFF AND GETTING YOUR ASS OVER HERE!", she yelled into the phone.

"Ouch, my ear... What's up? Why are you calling? I mean, you just left."

Later she'd notice he'd actually sounded hurt saying this. Of course, he'd tried to hide it, but he'd sounded a little bitter about her unexpected departure. Right now, however, she was so wrapped up in her rage, she simply kept yelling:

"I'M IN LA, JACKASS, AND YOU ARE VISITING ME AS SOON AS YOU GET MIRANDA TO GIVE YOU SOME FREE TIME!"

"Clearly, Mer was right about the whole pissed thing. What did I do to you now?", he sounded annoyed. How dare he sound annoyed? He didn't get to be annoyed!

Thus all she did was hang up. He'd gotten the message. If she knew him at all, he'd convince Richard to give him her address and get on the next plane to Los Angeles.

Oh, he had no idea what was waiting for him...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I'm not striking, am I? So apparently I don't own Grey's. Duh.**

**A/N: And another chapter. A short one, but I never know what I'm doing, so... It's fun writing something that I have no clue about. I'm letting the story do whatever it wants to and I am totally blind. Nice. Anyway, have fun, tell me what you think about it. You know the drill. **

**BTW, thanks for the total summ of 15 reviews I've received until now! Amazing, guys! It's great that I shocked you so much... Grin... Thanks!**

**Anna: I'm not watching PP, because I cannot identify with a single one of the characters and I think Addie's not really Addie anymore. I almost would have stopped watching the pilot, even though that was still part of a Grey's episode. No offense, it's nice if you think otherwise.**

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He was whipped. That was his only thought as he looked at the front of the Oceanside Wellness Group. Dr Alex Karev, was totally whipped. Of course he was also annoyed, because the nazi had almost ripped his head off and the chief hadn't been too pleased either when he'd asked for two days off and Addison's whereabouts, and curious, since he had no clue what exactly she wanted from him, but mostly he felt whipped. He'd immediately done what she'd asked him to (okay, practically threatened), gotten on a plane to LA and now here he was, standing outside of the building where his favorite redhead appeared to be working now. And he was nervous. Actually nervous. Like a schoolboy. Pathetic.

He took a deep breath and entered the building. Dude, she certainly was doing well for herself. Ultra-sunny LA (he found it a little disturbing), a view on the water as soon as you stepped outside, a nice-looking building. No hectic, no stress. The place looked as if Addison had one patient a day tops. _One_ patient. It would drive him crazy. Alex briefly wondered whether she actually liked it, not really saving lives anymore.

Then he couldn't think anymore (haha, whipped), because he spotted his former boss. Someone should forbid her to look so fucking fabulous, seriously. The sun seemed to be doing wonders for her tan (not that it'd been horrible before) and a hot climate did have its benefits (at least for guys who wanted to check hot chicks (in not all that many layers of clothing) out). Of course she still looked classy, but she should really not walk around with that top. How were guys supposed to function around her? He could bet none of them were actually able to focus on doing there jobs whenever she was around.

The guy talking to her certainly didn't. He looked like he was doing his best trying to seduce her. Which made Alex snap out of the spur of the moment and walk over to her. Maybe standing a little closer than he should (for his own sake: not only did close proximity affect him, she'd also sounded really pissed when she'd told him to "get his ass over here", so he probably should stay a little further away from her), he tipped her on the shoulder. She spun around to stand face to face with him. As in _face to face_. Half an inch of air left between their lips.

"Hey.", he muttered, perhaps a little husky. Whipped. Damn.

When Addison had responded to the touch on her shoulder, she had in no way expected to suddenly be exposed to that much of Alex Karev. No way in hell! He couldn't be here so soon, could he? And especially not _here_... So close it took her breath away... Made her want to close the gap... There was no need for distance... It was barely existent anyway... Hmm...

Wait, wait, wait! What the hell was she thinking?!? She quickly retreated, almost stumbling over her own feet and then crashing into Pete, who she'd been shamelessly flirting with before. Somehow he didn't seem all that dominant anymore. But being trapped between two guys who were clearly hot to boot obviously wasn't the best place to be, so she managed to make her way out of this place and moved to the wall (needing a little support, since the unexpected _moment_ with Alex had made her a little shaky). She took a deep breath, while both guys looked at her strangely, then she turned to Pete.

"Okay, you need to go. I need a word with Dr Karev."

"Uh-... Who is this guy again?", he asked, a little confused, "I don't think you've ever mentioned him to me."

Now that, that was two guys sizing each other up. And damn it, if that wasn't her favorite crooked smile on Alex' face when he answered instead of her.

"Dr Alex Karev, nice to meet you. I... _worked_... with Dr Montgomery in Seattle."

And it couldn't be more obvious that there was something dirty on his mind (something along the lines of "Dude, I slept with her and all you can do is flirt."), and that Pete understood that only too well. Nice. So the guy she might possibly have sex with somewhere in the future now knew she'd done the nasty with her intern (because Alex didn't look older, it was obvious). Oh, no, this was no fun for her.

"You, go.", she commanded, looking directly at Pete (she avoided looking at Alex, hoping she wasn't all flushed, having the feeling she was). He shot her a questioning look, but left after a few seconds of being the recipient of a pointed look.

So there she was, alone with Alex Karev.

"So, I'm here. What did you want to yell at me about?", he uttered after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence and staring at each other, suddenly not all that confident anymore.

And she found it rather difficult remembering the reason why she'd told him to visit her. His mere presence was rather distracting. It took a flash of brown hair and a rather confused Melody Karev standing frozen at the door of her office to remind her.

"Welcome to the club of adulterers, Karev."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Alex is married. Do you seriously see that happening in Shondaland? Personally, I think Shonda killed Addex forever. I'm keeping it alive. So no, all that I know is that I don't own Grey's.**

**ciaobella06: I played with the idea of Vegas, but decided against it, since you're right, Alex would have been honest about that. I have a storyline kind of planned out, so I know what happened between him and Melody, and I actually kind of like it. I hope it's okay for you. **

**kawaadshe: Don't hate Melody. She's a good person and in this story for a reason. I can promise she will not mess Addex up. Once you know the Alex/Melody story (which might happen in the next few updates), you'll understand why she's still important. There are some hints in this chapter, too. Maybe you understand them. I'm always ready for theories!**

**addexlover: Sorry that 'Room Service?' is kind of on hiatus right now. I might work on it today, but I can't promise you an update. But I'm so glad you like it! Thank you for kicking my ass about it. :P**

**A/N: Hey, this is the only fic of mine which actually got one update per day! I'm kinda proud, even though it's a little ironic, since this is the story I care least about. And they're always rather short chapters, which I am here and now officially apologizing for. Anyway, four chapters in four days! Yay me! Okay, I am shutting up now. **

**I'm not sure whether I like this chapter. It got a little weird, since I was listening to depressing music. Hope, it's not totally out of character. Review and tell me to do a better job with chapter 5! Oh, I won't be able to update tomorrow, by the way, but I might have two updates ready for you the day after tomorrow. How's that sound? Can't promise anything, though.**

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The only thing Alex could utter was a confused: 

"What?"

Huh? What the hell? What did she mean by that? Had she been married while they'd had sex or something? No, he was pretty sure she'd been divorced by then. But it didn't make any sense. Why would she say something like that? Unless she-... But she couldn't-... There was no way in hell she-...

Addison nodded her head in some direction and as soon as he realized she probably wanted him to follow that look, he did. And met someone's eyes who he hadn't seen in six years.

"Oh shit...", he said without even thinking. Because honestly? There were moments when he could think (when he was in the OR, for example) and there were moments when he couldn't find a single thought that actually made sense (like now). Six years and there he was nothing he could say. He didn't even ask himself how on earth his former boss knew his wife, all that mattered was that she did and that Melody was here and looked both, confused at his sudden, unexpected appearance and hurt. He hadn't called. He hadn't written. He'd thought it would be best if they ended all contact.

"Mel, hey.", he finally stuttered, a fake grin making its way onto his face. Seeing her brought back a lot of memories he'd purposely avoided for a long time. She'd told him to go and he'd done what she'd asked him to. Not more. He should have contacted her eventually. Told her he couldn't heal. That she shouldn't wait for him. He'd thought it had been obvious.

And then, without planning on, his eyes fell back on Addison. Addison who looked disturbingly hurt and deceived. Like she'd expected him to be a better person than this. There didn't seem to be any anger left in her, a fact that surprised both of them equally. There also wasn't any of the hot, flushing Addison left, who'd been visibly shaken by his presence. She simply looked like she didn't know him anymore, and like that made her sad. And something, something in him stirred and the first though he actually managed to form was: 'She's not supposed to look sad.' Which was weird. And stupid. And probably his subconscious avoiding the confrontation between him and Melody that was inevitable.

"Care to explain?", the redhead whispered after a few long seconds of silence.

"I-...", he actually found his voice cracking, so he quickly cleared his throat, "There's nothing to explain. So I'm married. Big deal. It's none of your business."

And if she bought the annoyed I-don't-care tone he'd sell her a bridge. He quickly adverted his look from the way her eyes darkened in anger and hurt. Obviously she didn't like him avoiding what was really going on. Hell, he couldn't blame her. He didn't like himself a lot right now either.

Melody still stood frozen at the doorstep. She couldn't seem to move a muscle. Her eyes darted between Alex and Addison and finally a small "Oh..." left her mouth. Then she was moving and before he knew it, Alex stood outside of the building with her and she was hugging him.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison was left standing in the room, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. A few moments before, when she'd been so close to kissing Alex Karev, she hadn't really been able to get air into her lungs and oxygen into her system either, but that had been different. Sexual tension was a wonderful thing. At least it usually was. Now it simply made her wonder what the hell was going on with her. She hated Alex and wanted to kick his ass for making her an adulterous whore, not to mention for rejecting her afterwards. But when he was around, she couldn't seem to remember that.

She was hoping she'd get her 'mojo' back (as guys would call it). It had been fun. Yelling at Alex on the phone had been fun and easy. Yelling at him in person on the other hand had turned out to be rather difficult. Which was strange, since she usually didn't have that problem. She actually enjoyed yelling at him for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it was only weird, because his wife had been there to listen to it. She was sure the only reason why she was feeling betrayed and surprisingly hurt was-... Well, what was the reason? Addison assumed it was the surprise. She'd been hurt both times he'd rejected her, she was willing to admit that. But all she'd been able to find when she'd gotten to know Alex had been a scared, overwhelmed, messed up person who said the most perfect things in the history of the world one second and yelled hateful things the other. He didn't make sense. He sent out mixed signals. He could be a right out jackass sometimes. For some reason, though, she never would have figured him to be a bad guy.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

She wasn't sobbing, she didn't cling to him like one of those horrible cliché girls. Something he'd always liked about her. She wasn't cliché. It also didn't feel awkward, the way she was holding her. Maybe the reasons he'd married her. Beside the obvious.

"I missed you.", she finally uttered, letting him go.

"You could have called, you know. I don't even know how you've been."

He sighed. It made him feel guilty. Which made him wonder how the hell he'd gone from feeling dizzy in Addison's presence to feeling guilty around Melody. Who'd have known this day was going to do that to him? He'd expected a lot, but not that.

"I'm sorry. I know I should have contacted you in some way, but I was-...", Alex muttered, but was cut off. Apparently his wife could still read him like an open book, because she sighed and stated, a sad smile on her face:

"You didn't heal, did you?"

"No."

Alex let out a breath. He had been healing. He'd been trying. Over and over and over again. And every time he'd messed it up again. First he'd failed at making friends, then he'd failed Izzie and then, top of the iceberg, he'd failed Addison. Hell, he'd been trying.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's, my Dad wouldn't have broken the internet, because he tried installing a new phone. People interested in my stuff wouldn't have to wait longer than I'd promised. Apparently I don't own Grey's. Instead, I owe you an apology. See my A/N.**

**A/N: I am awefully sorry I couldn't update yesterday! I was halfway done writing my chapter, when the thing that you can read about in my Disclaimer happened. I am also sorry I don't have more than one update ready for you. I know I said I might have two, and since I'm a day late, I should hypothetically have three, but I only have one. It's a little longer than the last one, so you could consider it two updates in one. I hope it's okay.**

**Uh, the chapter... Is angsty. I didn't mean to let it end like that, but the story wanted it. So I hope you're okay with a little angst. There are also one or two funny moments and I promise, this will return to humor eventually. Just not right away. Anyway, please forgive me, don't rip my head off and read the chapter! And - I know I don't get to ask - please review! I'd love to hear what people think about this one... **

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Somehow Addison had ended up going to her office, falling onto the chair behind her desk and wondering just what exactly she was supposed to do now. Why the hell had she gotten herself in this situation? She wasn't totally stupid, was she? But no, here she was, disturbingly affected by what was going on between her secretary and her ex-intern. Asking herself over and over and over why on god's green earth she couldn't just have let it be. Her and Melody here, Alex in Seattle. That was the way things were supposed to be.

Of course, when she'd found out her ex-non-boyfriend was married, she had in no way expected she'd have a moment with him and wouldn't be able to yell. That still upset her. That she couldn't seem to be mad at him anymore. She was plain disappointed, which was probably worse. Hell, she'd been so hell-bend on believing he was the "decent guy" she'd called him a long time ago. Back when things hadn't been weird, confusing and messy. Before all the unexpected stuff. Like the vanilla latte, the almost kissing, the kissing, the "I'm not interested", the really not all that subtle lusting, the "I'd notice", the yelling, the mind-blowing sex, the "You're not my girlfriend" and now the thing when he turned out to be married.

Addison sighed, for the first time having an idea of how Meredith must have felt when she'd found out about her. Not that she was anywhere near in love with Alex. Hell, no. No chance in hell.

Which were basically the things that had been making her head spin for the past half-hour or so. It had gotten rather pathetic and tiring. Which was one of the reasons why she felt like breaking down.

Addison groaned, forced herself to get up, walked around the table a few times (some would call it pacing, but she just wanted her veins to be able to move the blood back upwards (which was something initiated by muscle movement), so she wouldn't faint and her brain finally got some fresh blood and she could stop with the patheticness. Hell, she had no feelings whatsoever for Alex Karev! Okay, she lusted. That, she most definitely did.

"Hello? Does the sudden blurriness of mind half an hour ago ring a bell?", she muttered to herself, then decided the walking didn't help her focus on other things than Alex Karev either and she stopped, slid back down on her chair defeated and buried her face in her hands. How the hell had she gotten in this situation? She should have just let it be.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Alex was tired. It was only eleven am and he was tired. A half-hour talk with someone you had avoided for years did that to you. Not that there had been a lot of talking. They'd known each other forever. She knew him and he knew her. There was no need for words. But he was wondering whether he'd ever really loved her more than the good friend who he occasionally had good sex with. Because that had been the girl she'd been back then. Growing up together. Both messed up. Bonding out of necessity, not love. She could still read him like there had been no time since she'd told him to leave six years ago.

He stepped on the elevator. Obviously he owed Addison an explanation. She'd looked right out devastated when she'd left for her office. He'd watched her. Not constantly, but he had. Shot a look. A glance. Through the glass of the window. Weird. It shouldn't be painful for her. It had to be the fact that he'd practically lied to her that upset her. Okay, he hadn't lied. Only when he'd told her he wasn't interested. He had been. But he hadn't wanted to be her own intern to screw, because being an attending at SGH seemed to require having one.

"Oh man, this is just messed up...", he groaned. And then the elevator spoke back.

"You people and your problems. Can't you just not talk to yourself while you're in elevators? What's wrong with you?"

Huh? Okay, of all the weird things that had happened here, starting with almost kissing his ex-boss in front of her-... whatever-he-was without any other reason than the fact that she was hot and finishing with his wife showing up out of the blue, this was the weirdest. Since when did elevators talk?

"Uh-... Am I going crazy?", he uttered after a moment of total and utter dumbstruckness, frowning.

"Why does everyone assume that?"

It had a bored female voice, this elevator. Maybe this was _the _new invention and he didn't know about it? He could stop being a surgeon and start selling talking elevators. Wow, that was a rather random thought.

"Dude, elevators don't talk.", he argued, shaking his head. Not even sure whether he was talking to himself or the elevator. And he didn't even want to know which would be more sick and twisted.

"If you think so."

And with that, the voice shut up. Alex decided to be okay with that and to forget this strange encounter as soon as he stepped out of it. Which he did. Lucky for him, he found Addison's office rather quickly. What was in it? Not all that nice. Addison slumped over the desk, head down, muttering:

"This is just perfect. Just perfect! Exactly what I needed. Thank you."

And she was obviously not talking to anyone at all. She hadn't spotted him. And he had no idea what to say to her. She sighed heavily. He'd never seen her like that. Addison Forbes Montgomery was always in control, always sat straight and never did things like talking to herself in a depressed way. He had stuff to say. Important stuff. Stuff he rather wanted to avoid. And he didn't know how to start a conversation when she was like that. If she simply started yelling at him, this would be way easier.

"The elevator was talking to me.", he finally stated.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison's head jerked up from the table and she sat up straight again before she even had time to bring her eyes to his. She'd just gotten to the point when she remembered she'd really liked him. As in possibly could have loved someday. That she'd considered him the father of her children (which she now knew she'd never have). How messed up was that? So she'd started telling her head to shut up. As in telling, with her mouth. For some reason she didn't want to know just how long he'd been standing on that doorstep.

And why the hell was he talking about talking elevators? Ah, yeah. Right. Tilly. She'd thought she was going crazy when she'd first talked to the Elevator God.

"Oh... Uh-... it does that sometimes, yes.", she managed to say.

Alex shook his head.

"Weird."

"Yeah, it's not Seattle. People don't get horny in elevators here."

Urgh. Maybe not exactly the best thing to say to him. They'd been in the same elevator too many times to count. And more than once she'd wanted to jump him. Sometimes to strangle him, sometimes to have her naughty way with him. The latter definitely more often. And she really hoped that thought was not showing on her face.

"People get horny in elevators in Seattle?", he asked, half-surprised, half-almost-smirking.

"Apparently. How can you of all people not know that?", she asked, quirking a brow. She wasn't really amused (more, like, say, embarrassed and feeling pathetic), but he _was_ nice to look at. Especially with that facial expression. That was a start.

"Why? 'Cause I'm a manwhore?"

Suddenly she felt like something was suffocating her and all she could do was nod. Manwhore. How dare he call himself a manwhore? He was married and he called himself a manwhore. He wasn't even blatant about it.

The silence grew rather uncomfortable, so Alex finally sighed, dropped his head and stopped avoiding the real subject. When their eyes met again, Addison thought for a single, slightly small, tiny moment she'd seen a little bit of pain in his. But that was stupid, wasn't it?

"So you called me for Mel.", he stated and the look was gone. He seemed rather cold, which confused her.

"I did.", she said with an effort. It was hard to say something. This was so not the situation she'd pictured herself to be in eventually when she'd kissed him at the bar. An explanation. Something. Anything so she could have an excuse for forgiving him. Instead, he shrugged.

"I'm not sorry. There really is nothing to explain, you know. It's exactly what it looks like."

"What does it look like?", she asked, her voice ridiculously small. In fact she was holding her breath. She knew Alex. If anything, he was brutally honest. She'd get the truth right away, without sugarcoating. And somehow she thought he'd even manage to make her forgive him while he was speaking, since he had a way of saying perfect things, no matter how messed up they were. But as soon as he opened his mouth, sounding bored this time, that image of him just faded away.

"Like we haven't seen each other in a while, because I screwed up. And now I'm going after everything in a skirt and dumping them as soon as I got what I wanted."

She felt like she'd been slapped. Pow. Just like that. Right in her face. He didn't look sorry. He looked like he noticed the way her breath was knocked out of her lungs, her eyes widened in shock and hurt, her lips twitched for a tiny second, but he didn't look like he cared. What he did was go on like that:

"And I'm not saying sorry for that either. You knew I was an ass all along."

Addison felt tears well up in her eyes. Which was wrong. She didn't give a crap about him. If he'd only used her-... Well, he was right. She had known all along. Just not wanted to believe it. What was she, a five-year-old who believed that people were naturally good and never wanted to harm anyone?

"Get out.", she managed to choke out, "Please. Just get out."

And all of the sudden, as soon as he'd left her office and let the door fall shut behind him, the anger was back. It started somewhere in her ears. With his words ringing in them, traveling to her head, to spin in circles over and over. To her face, which she knew had mascara smeared all over by now. Her eyes narrowed and the anger started affecting her arms. Her hands curled into fists so hard she could feel her nails dig into her skin. She was angry.

Because Addison didn't know what had happened between Alex and Melody. She couldn't guess the reason why he had said the stuff he'd said. And she sure as hell had no clue that outside the room, Alex Karev's fist hit the wall so hard his knuckles started to bleed and a very ugly sound made it unmistakably clear that he'd just broken a bone or two. And that he'd let out a tormented wince before he even started moving his hand.

* * *

**Don't hate me! Things happen for a reason! If you want a little bit of a spoiler, check out my McBlog! AND DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT QUITTING THIS STORY JUST BECAUSE OF THE CHAPTER! Okay, threatening my readers ain't gonna help me, is it? Sigh...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's, my McBlog would work. It doesn't always (and that I apologize for), so I clearly don't own Grey's.**

**A/N: Again, sorry about my McBlog. I tried getting everything up, but it wouldn't give me access. Thus I promised you stuff that I couldn't keep (I did notice that some of you actually checked it). Seriously, it's not my fault, but I officially apologize anyway. Today I posted my McBlog entry first, so it's definitely up. Maybe you want to check?**

**The chapter. Never been crappier. But it does give some things away. Hope you're still with me... Review, please! I'm totally elated about the total of 40 reviews this fic has right now! I want to say a huge THANK YOU! for that!**

* * *

His hand was broken in two places. He'd quickly examined it as soon as he'd gotten back outside. He didn't need anyone to see this. He had an official version: He'd fallen down some stairs at his hotel. But that meant he had to get there before anyone would spot him.

It hurt like hell. The perfect distraction. Exactly how he'd wanted it. The pain was so intense he couldn't think straight. He couldn't think about anything other than the pain. And every time his mind actually did wander, he squeezed just a little bit. He hadn't made a sound. Nothing. Not a wince, not a sigh, not a cry. Not even heavier breathing. All he did was focus on how it felt.

The physical pain. The knowledge he might have ended his carrier by making a choice. He was a surgeon. A surgeon. He'd wanted to be a plastic surgeon. Now he wanted to be a neonatal surgeon. And he might have made that an impossible future. Which was good. He was enough of a failure without constantly losing patients, let alone babies. Hell, it hurt, but he was sure he'd made the right choice. If he had indeed ruined dexterity, he'd lose his job and wouldn't hurt anyone. If he hadn't, he was at least in enough pain and uncertainty right now to forget just what exactly he'd done only minutes before.

It had sounded like a good plan in his head, going in there, being a cruel ass so she could finally learn how to loathe him for all eternity and then walking away knowing she'd never have the desire to talk to him again. Exactly what he'd wanted. And it had worked perfectly. What he hadn't expected was the sheer amount of pain, shock, disappointment and disbelief on her face. What that would do to him. Just how hard it would be not to make a U-turn and tell her what was really going on.

He'd barely made it out of her office without showing that he did give a crap about her, that it had mattered to him and that she was most certainly not some chick in whose pants he'd wanted. Of course he had – because honestly, no man in his senses wouldn't - but that had not been it. He respected her, both professionally and personally. He liked her. If he could have forced himself to not pull away as soon as he'd heard she wanted the kids and barbecue guy, he might possibly be in love with her by now. The thing was, she was better off not knowing all this stuff. If she hated him enough, there'd be a clean break for her. She could walk away unharmed. Or at least less harmed than she would have if he'd stuck around.

He'd pulled that stunt before. Twice. First the "I'm not interested", then the "You're not my girlfriend". It never had done them any good. But this would work. There was no way in hell it could possibly not work.

Alex squeezed his hand and let out a rasping breath. Ouch.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison was still sitting in her office fuming, when the door opened again. For a second she thought it was Alex again. When she realized it was only Pete, she felt even more angry. Mostly, because she'd actually hoped that jackass (meaning Alex, who hadn't returned at all) had returned to thoroughly apologize, tell her he'd had reasons for his actions, explain said reasons and then have hot, steamy sex with her on her desk. How much more pathetic could one get? Urgh, she didn't even want to know.

"Who is that new guy?", Pete asked.

"My secretary's husband.", she explained shortly. It about summed it up. That was what he was for her from now on. Or at least what he should be to her. She would try to look at him like that. If she'd ever be able to look past the fact that she hated and despised his mere existence. He'd disappointed her. Usually, she knew people better than that. She didn't misjudge. Now she guessed she'd been right looking at him the way she'd looked before she'd "gotten to know him". Yeah, she had indeed "known he was an ass all along".

"And how long has it been since you slept with him?"

Her eyes immediately flickered up to meet Petes'. Was she really that easy to read? Could it not just take people longer to figure her out? She'd be a lot less bothered then.

"Two months.", she answered finally.

"Am I guessing correctly when I say he was the reason you decided to take our job offer?"

"He was not! I did not leave Seattle because of a guy!", she almost yelled, standing up at once. Her eyes were bursting with flames of rage. What she really wanted to do now, instead of being accused of running away because of some asshole, was to hurt someone. Anyone. Preferably Alex. Because he'd hurt her, and he didn't get to do that.

"And now you're in here, look like you've been crying and you're angry as hell.", Pete stated, smirking a little. For having tried to get in her pants so much, he seemed disturbingly at peace with what was going on now. She didn't even know if that bothered her. Right now she seemed to be too mad at Alex to really care about anything else. And she didn't want anyone to remind her of that.

"Could you just leave me alone?", she snapped, rather nastily. She was clearly too upset to mind her manners. Which Pete seemed to think was amusing, judging by the look on his face.

"What are you going to do?", he asked, half out of the door already.

"Hope, he'll return to Seattle before I get the chance to seriously hurt him."

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Alex returned from the hospital not too far away from both, Oceanside Wellness Center and his hotel (he'd probably have to check out rather soon, by the way, since it was too expensive to afford living there longer than a day). The doctors there had been rather clueless. They'd bought his stairs story right away. Personally, he knew he'd have known better, but this suited his purpose perfectly, so he didn't tell them he was a doctor himself, nor that they were absolutely wrong when they simply assumed the patients always told the truth. Now, he was on his way back to the hotel. And surprised when he noticed Melody standing close to the entrance, obviously waiting for him.

She frowned when she saw his bandaged hand.

"What did you do?"

He didn't change anything about his facial expression. It was hopeless, thinking he could fool his wife, but he decided to give it a shot anyway.

"I fell down some stairs."

She just shook her head, a sad smile on her lips.

"When are you gonna get that you can't lie to me?"

"Fine, I punched a wall.", he admitted, shrugging.

"Just how close was she to healing you, before you chickened out?", Melody asked, sighing.

"What?", was once more all Alex could utter.

"You know what I mean. You 'worked' together in Seattle. Judging by the look on both your faces, you ran before you even had the chance to screw up."

He hated it. How she was able to read him like an open book. He was not an open book. He was Alex Karev. Noone knew anything about him. Noone truly understood anything about him unless he explained it thoroughly. Okay, Meredith kind of did. But that was only, because she was as messed up as he was. Which was probably also the reason why his wife was able to figure him out so easily.

"Look, it's none of your business.", he sighed, "Addison-... She deserves better."

Melody Karev shook her head. Obviously her husband still had no clue what women wanted. What was good for them. He always wanted to protect, both himself and them. He simply didn't get what she'd sent him out for. That he didn't need to protect anyone. Those times were long over. Six years and he was still as messed up as ever.

"And what if she doesn't want anyone who doesn't have to try to heal first?", she argued, hoping (but knowing better) that he'd finally understand.

"That's not my call, and it sure as hell isn't yours."

"I let you go so you could realize you're a good man.", she stated, a sharp edge in her voice, "When are you ever going to give it a shot?"

He quickly shook his head. There was something incredibly infuriating about him right now. She got exactly what was going on inside of him, whether she liked it or not. Sometimes she wished he was more difficult to read.

"When are you going to stop asking me questions that you don't need me to answer for you?", he shot back. Then, after a few seconds of them staring at each other, his voice softened and he sighed:

"It's better this way, Mel."

"You can't just run from everythi-...", she tried, but he cut her off, before she could end her sentence.

"How have you been?"

For a second she simply looked at him, dumbstruck. He had not just interrupted her attempt to reason with him for an insignificant question like that.

"What?", she asked, quirking her brow, not so much in surprise as in annoyance. Mr I'm-to-messed-up-to-commit couldn't even try listening, could he?

"I never asked. How have you been?", he repeated, adverting his gaze. He was avoiding having to deal with what he was supposed to deal with. Great. Really. She just as well could have stayed with him, it hadn't made a difference.

"Alex-...", she tried one last time.

"How have you been?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I love Grey's. I adore Grey's. The writers of that show are my idols. The characters they created are my heros. Grey's made me choose my future profession. Grey's makes my day, every day. Grey's saved my life. I love Grey's. Doesn't mean I own it, no.**

**A/N: Hm... 6 favorites... 21 alerts... 47 reviews... THANK YOU SO MUCH! You broke my record! I'd dedicate this capter to all my faithful readers, but it doesn't contain any Addex interaction, so I'm saving my ultimate thank you for another chapter.**

**I tried getting things a little funnier and more Grey's-like again. Hopefully, it worked. Sorry about the fact that this is rather fillerish. Enjoy!**

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Day two in hell. He hadn't slept last night. Not only had the pain killers worn off and he'd been to proud to take new ones, which had – of course – led to severe pain in his hand, but also had he laid awake contemplating just what exactly he was going to do. 

Sure, he could go back to Seattle today, as he'd planned, but without full function of his hand, he couldn't even do charts, so that wouldn't make that much sense. But if he stayed here longer, he'd have to deal with Addison. And angry Addison? So not what he needed right now. Sure, it was disturbingly hot, but knowing she was angry, because he'd actually caused her pain... So not his favorite thing in the world.

Also, Melody. He wasn't exactly sure where they stood. He did suppose it was somewhere along the line of friends, but he didn't know. She was mad at him, too. For other reasons than one who didn't know her would expect her to, but she was mad. Why she kept insisting he needed to "realize he was a good guy", he had no clue. He wasn't. He'd made that unmistakably clear, hadn't he? Every time he tried to be one, he'd screwed up again. Then it took him a while before he could try again and when he did, he screwed up again. And again. And again. It was a never ending story. One could call it a vicious cycle.

He'd almost been proud of himself when he'd told Addison he wasn't interested. Back then, he'd figured it was better for her, if she thought he wasn't interested, so she wouldn't be let down if he tried and failed once more. Hell, he still thought rejection was better than whatever he could do if he tried. Not that she had ever really wanted him.

He'd learned his lesson with Izzie. He'd done his best with Izzie and still, he'd screwed up. She'd been hurt. He'd watched her cry. Not something he ever wanted to experience again. And after the false hope before Denny-... Well, he was glad he had somehow managed to become her friend. He liked her as a friend. But even though he really did not have any deeper feelings for her left (other than true pity about her crappy choice of falling for a weak little coward like O'Malley), every time he looked at her, he knew he'd screwed up. Because she'd been another woman he could have possibly loved eventually.

Talking about Izzie, she'd called him in the middle of the night. Since he'd been awake anyway, he'd answered the phone immediately.

"_How come I heard from _Meredith_ you slept with Addison? I thought we were friends?"_

"_What? What does Meredith know about that?"_

"_So it's true! I can't believe this! Why the hell didn't you just tell me?"_

"_It's not a big deal, Iz."_

"_You slept with the Ex-She-Shepherd! Satan! That woman tortured the crap out of you! Does that ring a bell? Of course it's a big deal! And you decided to go neonatal all of the sudden! That should have tipped me off, shouldn't it?"_

"_I like neonatal, that's not because of Addison."_

"_Ooh, so she's 'Addison' now? And where the hell are you? Meredith said Addison yelled at you on the phone and the next minute you were gone."_

"_I'm in LA. And you called her 'Addison', too."_

"_What are you doing in LA? Weird timing for a vacation."_

"_It's none of your business. Why are you calling me in the middle of the night anyway?"_

"_Oh god! You're with her, aren't you? This thing with Addison was serious, wasn't it?"_

"_What makes you think that?"_

"_You've been a mess ever since she left and no, I am not buying the Jane Doe story. Plus, you've both been acting weird on occasion. Always at the same time!"_

"_Geez, Iz, you of all people should know I sleep around! It wasn't a big deal!"_

"_I am so not buying that! And what's up with the whole married thing?"_

"_WHAT? Uh-... What are you-... What do you mean by that?"_

"_Meredith said George told her that Addison had called Callie and he had picked up the phone and she'd yelled you were married. What was that supposed to mean? I mean, you're not married, are you? _

_"..."_

_"Alex?"_

"_Fine, I am. And before you start yelling, we're separated."_

"_Oh god..."_

"_Iz-..."_

"_How could you forget to fill me in on that little detail when we were dating?"_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Seriously? That's all you have to say? You're sorry?"_

"_Izzie-..."_

"_Seriously? Seriously!"_

And with that, she'd hung up, making Alex feel worse than before he'd picked up the call. Melody could say all he wanted. He was a screw-up. That wouldn't ever change, no matter how hard he tried.

When morning had come, his choice was made. He needed to find out where he and his wife stood. He had to figure things out.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison hadn't slept either. Partly, because she'd been to upset and angry to sleep, and partly, because Callie had called her around two am. She'd taken a quick look at the caller ID (again, ridiculously hoping it'd be her jackass), then snapped open her phone.

"_Callie?"_

"_So, George told me your mancandy's married."_

"_Nice to hear from you, too."_

"_I'm kinda mad at you, seeing as you decided to move to god-knows-where without telling me, but I figured you needed the moral support. How come you never tried to reach me?"_

"_I did, once, and now the whole hospital knows I slept with the help! At least I assume they know."_

"_They do. My husband has gossipy friends."_

"_Why doesn't that surprise me?"_

"_So it's true. Karev's married."_

"_Yes. Not that that matters. He's a jackass. I am upset about him never telling me, though."_

"_You sure sound pissed. Is he with you?"_

"_He's not with me. He's married. I dare say he's with his wife right now. If he's not at a bar, taking some girl home. Since he is 'going after everything in a skirt and dumping them as soon as he got what he wanted' and all."_

"_He said that to you? Wow, now I get why you're pissed."_

"_He's just so infuriating! I mean, there he is, one second, almost kissing me, and the next second he says something like that!"_

"_Woah, you almost kissed?"_

"_Urgh, not on purpose."_

"_Nice."_

"_No, not nice! I hate him! I thought he was a good guy, hell, Callie, you know I considered him possibly the guy to spend the rest of my life with, and then he turns out to be a married bastard!"_

"_Yeah, that must suck."_

"_It does. I mean, hello? First he says the sweetest things in the history of the world, and then he's acting like he doesn't give a crap! He – in fact - doesn't give a crap!"_

"_Okay, you're freaking out. When is he coming back?"_

"_I don't care. Soon. Like, tomorrow. Today, considering that it's two am."_

"_Oh, yeah. The time thing. Sorry 'bout that."_

"_Whatever, I was awake anyway."_

And for the rest of the night, Addison had told Callie just how much she hated Alex Karev. Which was clearly bad, since it meant she hadn't slept at all. And now she was tired. And she looked like it, a fact that she didn't appreciate at all. And she was pissed. And just what exactly was that jackass doing at the front door of her working place?


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. I do not own Harry Potter. Hell, what do I own? Hm... Guilt pleasures, happy pills and hopefully a new laptop, starting tomorrow!**

**A/N: God, I am so incredibly sorry I haven't updated! I got lost in my new guilt pleasure: Dramione. Which is - in case you don't know - Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger ( -- 'Harry Potter') and absolutely amazing. I was reading all week. Again, sorry. THIS DOES NOT MEAN ADDEX ARE NOT MY FAVORITE COUPLE EVER ANYMORE! It's just that there are way more Dramione stories than Addex stories and that I needed a happy pill, since I was pretty down again this week (a state I hate and have successfully avoided for four months before that). Since I want to live, I got drunk on Dramione. Savvy? Okay, I'm stupid. Sorry this is up late, again.**

**So, I'll have a one-shot for you 24th January. What that is about, I won't tell you until you read it. I hope it's the 24th in the USA, too, when I publish, since I don't know about the time thing. **

**I also have another one-shot in my mind, hopefully I'll be able to write it on my new laptop, since my parents are getting extremely cranky about me constantly using their computer. **

**Have fun with the chapter! I think it's okay, though not my best one.**

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Alex felt like cursing, but managed to keep his mouth shut. A frustrated groan escaped, though, and he hoped she hadn't heard it. Mentally, he cursed himself for being so stupid. If he'd just asked Mel for her phone number or where she lived, he wouldn't have to be waiting outside the place where he knew she worked. And he sure as hell wouldn't have to encounter his favorite redhead.

She didn't seem pleased to see him, not at all. He couldn't really blame her.

"What do you think you're doing here, Karev?", she asked through gritted teeth.

"I'm looking for Mel.", he replied shortly. When she started yelling, he got the feeling that might have been the wrong thing to say.

"Well, she's not here!", Addison interrupted herself, obviously noticing she didn't appear as calm as she wanted to, "It's her day off. And you should be off, too. Seattle, I suggest."

Alex chose to ignore that that last comment had been a rather nasty one. Like he'd already said: She had every right in the god damn world to be mad at him. After all, it had been his choice to make her hate him, hadn't it?

"I do have some things to discuss with my wife.", he pointed out, giving her a relatively cold smile.

"You know, I honestly don't have any idea how a sweet and great person like her ended up with a bastard like you, Karev!", his former boss yelled.

Again, she had a point. She couldn't know how he and Mel had met. That really, their marriage was founded in not wanting to be messed up alone. Bonding out of necessity, they'd agreed, looking at it with reason after they'd actually started talking. That fateful night six years ago. Okay, not really fateful. Just ending something that had been bound to end for a very long time. Since the beginning, actually. Because as much as they'd needed each other, they couldn't be happy together.

"Good thing then you'll never find out.", he muttered under his breath. Addison, obviously having heard that, let out a very frustrated sigh.

"Find out what? That even the most horrible, disgusting creature out there deserves better than you?"

Ouch.

"No. That, we both know.", he stated, rather infuriated by now.

"You're right about that.", she spat back, now definitely having lost her calm.

"So you're not gonna ask what happened to my arm?"

Not that it mattered. He'd lie to her anyway. There was no way in hell he could tell her just what exactly he'd done with it. And why. But he had the feeling if he brought it up-... Well, he didn't know what he wanted her to think. Maybe he should have just left it at that.

"Why would I care?", she shrugged, pretending to be indifferent. Somehow he didn't quite buy it, but it angered him anyway. Or maybe exactly because it felt like she wanted to hurt him on purpose. Right back.

"I don't know.", he snapped, "You're a doctor. At least you used to be one, before all this sun burned that outta you."

Addison sucked in a sharp breath. Again. Oh, how he'd missed fighting with her...

"Oh, that's not the sun.", she stated, a dark smirk on her face, "That's all the rage and hostility I'm feeling right now!"

"Fine with me."

And with that, he walked away. She had no fucking clue just how much better off she was without him. But he had missed the fighting. The not really subtle flirting. Even though it was more denied attraction. At least on his side. Urgh, it wasn't his fault that she was so hot, was it? He was just a guy, after all.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison nearly stormed into her office, fuming. She was actually so enraged from another little non-conversation with Alex, she didn't spot his wife – who stood close to the window – until she'd – you could indeed call it that - thrown herself on the chair behind her desk.

"You're mad at him.", came Melody's voice.

"Why would I be mad at hi-", then, realizing not only was she sounding mad out of her mind, but also obviously aware of the fact that she was talking about Ale-... KAREV (she was trying to get herself to call him by his last name again), she quickly stopped talking and asked instead (mentally – once more – slapping herself):

"Who are you talking about?"

Melody quirked her brow. She seemed to do that even more often that Addison did. And she'd obviously observed the little scene through the window. Why was she here anyway? She really wasn't on today.

"Alex. Judging by the look on your face – or should I say the fact that you looked like you wanted to glare him to death – you're seriously pissed."

Deciding denial was a good thing, Addie lied:

"You're seeing things. I didn't sleep well, that's all."

As in, not at all. Which was the reason she was so upset. Beside the obvious. It had nothing to do with the fact that once more she'd expected Alex to be here to apologize to her, and not to see his wife. And that he'd looked so insanely hot in the sunlight with that cast on. Nope, it had absolutely nothing to do with that.

"Has anyone ever told you you're queen of passive-aggressive?", Melody asked, surprising Addison.

After a moment of 'fond memories' she replied:

"As a matter of fact, yes. My ex-husband, to be precise. It seemed he thought my suppressed anger towards him was rather surprising. A weird thing, considering he'd told me he was in love with his ex-girlfriend. As a Christmas present!"

Melody Karev chuckled.

"Okay, scratch, the 'passive', you're full of not-really-hidden wrath and hostility towards the rest of the world."

Which made Addison wonder just what exactly was wrong with her that made her emotions so obvious.

"Am I really that easy to read?", she frowned.

"Don't know.", her secretary shrugged, "Maybe I'm just good at reading messed up people. Whatever he said to you, I bet he was just trying to protect you. It's what he does."

Okay? Who was she talking about? She didn't even know Derek. Did she?

"My ex-husband?", she asked, slightly confused.

"No, Alex. Unless you were married to him, which I dare to doubt. But go ahead, be mad at him. It's more fun to watch."

"Are you one of those sick and twisted people who like watching people kill each other?"

"How long has it been since you had sex?"

Startled, Addison stared at her.

"What?"

"You heard me.", Melody nodded, quirking her brow.

"Two months, five days and-...", glancing at her watch, "... about two hours and forty minutes."

"Well, then please don't tell me the blind rage towards my husband has nothing to do with sexual frustration."

"It does not! I am in no way attracted to my uninterested disturbingly hot mancandy ex-intern!"

Melody only shot her a pointed look, accompanied with a brow-quirk, which made Addison realize just what she had admitted. Rage, desire and no sleep did not give you a nice result.

"Urgh..."

Her secretary started laughing at her, a fact that confused her (because why on earth would she be laughing?) and made her laugh along (she blamed the lack of sleep). When both women finally came back down from their little 'shaking-with-laughter-contest', Melody exclaimed:

"That was about the most pathetic 'I'm not interested' ever!"

Addison tried to not laugh again, when she stated.

"That's what an eternity without sex, a night without sleep and a huge fight with someone you thought you could possibly eventually love does to you."

Urgh. Telling Alex' wife he might have been someone she could grow to love had probably not been the wisest thing in the world. So she added:

"And again, the word vomit. Just forget everything I'm saying right now."

"Okay.", the other woman smirked. Addison got the impression Melody Karev actually found this amusing. 'This' being her rambling on and on and on about rather horrible things that she really didn't want to share. But whatever, since the conversation was – for some unexplainable reason – still not only civilized, but friendly, she chose to say (kind of wanting to defend herself so Melody wouldn't consider her a horrible person):

"I must add, the-... thing between me and your husband: A one-time-thing."

Again, her comment was met with a smirk.

"Yeah, I know."

Which made Addison's ranting start all over again. Never again would she go anywhere being so damn sleep-deprived. NEVER AGAIN! This was so embarrassing! Not to mention pathetic. But she couldn't stop it, really. It just sort of slipped out.

"You're taking this remarkably well. When I met my ex-husband's-... well, back then still husband's - girlfriend, the first thing I said was 'And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.' Not all that nice. You're a whole lot more kind and forgiving than I am."

Melody sighed.

"I know Alex.", 'and his undying love for redheads', she added in her mind, "It doesn't exactly surprise me you two hooked up."

Hell, she had even dyed her hair red once, just so she could actually feel desired, not just needed, for once in her life. Eventually, she'd gone back to her natural brown. Personally, she liked the color better on her, and since it was pretty pointless trying to impress someone who wasn't there anymore, it hadn't made any sense to keep faking the color.

"Again, you're a way better person than I am.", the redhead (she supposed the foundation of it was even natural tendency to reddish hair) sighed.

"I like you, Addison. And Alex will have to admit it to himself eventually: marrying me was not the biggest mistake he ever made. Pushing you away was."

And with that, Addison finally looked up startled.

"What do you mean by that?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own 63 reviews! But Grey's? No, not really. Just in my head. That, I do. I own a lot of interesting plots, but I don't have the power to get them into tv. Sorry. :P**

**A/N: I love you guys. Seriously. And I am so excited about this chapter... Yes, I will finally explain just what exactly happened between Melody and Alex... I hope it's good. I think if not especially thrilling, it's at least plausible. And incredibly sad. I'm glad Addison finally finds out. And I am officially begging you to review, since this is clearly the most interesting chapter in the entire fic. So please, please, please tell me what you think about it, yeah?**

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Melody looked at her hesitantly for a second, but then sighed, deciding the redhead deserved the truth. Normally, it would have been up to Alex. She usually didn't spill his secrets. But her husband? Could be damn stubborn. And if he kept this little not-really-funny game he was playing up, he might regret it later. Actually, Mel was pretty sure he already regretted it. He seemed to be telling himself it was for the best, but the little longing stare he'd given Addison as soon as she'd walked off inside the building had spoken for itself.

"He should be the one telling you this, but I think we're both not clueless about how determined Alex can be to keep his secrets. He does the mixed signal thing then."

Obviously Addison knew exactly what she was talking about, so Melody kept talking.

"You wanna know how we met? Well, I was lying in the middle of the street, hoping to get run over by a random car. I'd been there, at exactly that spot, somewhere in the great dull plane that is Iowa, for a few hours and it was dark. A car showed up eventually, but the driver – Alex – saw me and stopped. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. He left the car and crouched down on the ground next to me. Asking me just what exactly I thought I was doing. I went like: You know, trying to die. And got up, 'cause every sane guy wouldn't have let me get away just like that and I didn't exactly like the thought of spending the Christmas holidays in an asylum. Fortunately for me, he wasn't a sane guy. He was a messed up one, who didn't follow me. He simply nodded and whispered, more to himself, you know: Yeah, I do know. And for some reason we ended up spending the night talking about how messed up we were."

Melody sighed deeply, opening her eyes again, that had fluttered close in the middle of the (true) story, so she could remember better. Of course it was a night that had changed her life, and thus she'd gone over it in her head about a thousand times, but it felt more real if she closed her eyes while talking.

"It wasn't love on first sight, but we did both understand right away that we were feeling similar things. Especially concerning the value of our lives. It turned out, he was on the run. He'd just found out his father had left the hospital never to return."

It was only when Addison quirked her brow rather confusedly, when Melody finally realized the redhead had no clue about what was going on inside of Alex Karev. Which was both, a disappointment and a relief. If she'd already known all the things Melody was about to tell her, and still couldn't forgive him for whatever it'd been he'd said to her, then she'd have been truly and thoroughly confused.

"Oh, you don't know that.", she stated, smirking a little, even though the actual topic was anything but funny, "Well, then I definitely don't blame you for being mad at him..."

She took a deep breath before going on.

"Alex' father? Abusing the crap out of his mother. Started when he was six. When he was little, he was constantly hiding, literally, under a blanket in his room, so he didn't have to see, didn't have to hear."

She subconsciously shook her head at the mere thought.

"I can't even imagine what that must've been like for him. As far as I know, he'd loved the old man. Hell, he still does... Anyway, that night he told me he'd learned how to wrestle, only to protect his mother, that he'd beaten his father up to get him to stop. That his 14-year-old sister had killed herself. That his mother was not in the mental state right now to raise the other two kids. That he couldn't take it anymore. That he wished he could have found another way to keep his father from beating his mom up. That he could have saved Heather – his sister – if he hadn't been so keen on not letting their 8-year-old brother and sister see anything that was going on at home. That he'd run out of energy. That he couldn't be there for everyone anymore. That he was running away from all the responsibilities."

Addison seemed more than nauseous by now.

"And there we were, having met. I was self-destructive. A cutter. Orphan. Bullied. The usual crap.", I waved it off as if it'd been nothing, "So for some reason we decided to bond. It seemed like a match made in heaven. Two wrongs still didn't make a right, but we were not alone in everything anymore."

Which about summed Alex and Melody up. They hadn't ever really been about love. Just desperation.

"We found out I was only living in the next village, kept seeing each other, while he went back to all the responsibility and the feeling of being trapped and I went back to cutting, wishing to die, whenever something bad happened or I felt like it."

That was the short version. Actually, it didn't even begin to cover the years of feeling this way. But that was really none of the redhead's business.

"We weren't lovers such as much as desperate people, who needed someone to hold on to, to be strong for. Eventually, we started sleeping together. Again, no serious relationship, just every once in a while. Whenever we needed it. His brother Jake met a girl, fell head over heels for her and married her. His sister Jo did pretty much the same. Got married to a guy five years older than her. They both have kids now. With his mother finally having moved on from everything, and him going to college, you'd have thought he felt free for the first time, right? Well, he's Alex, and that wasn't the case."

Melody didn't see the point in further explaining. It couldn't be more obvious Addison finally got what was wrong with her ex-intern, so why dig into something the redhead could make her mind up about on her own? There was a question in the air, though.

"And now you're wondering just how we managed to end up getting married.", a shrug again, "Easy. I attempted suicide, he was there when I woke up."

Urgh, she was making it sound like some tragic cliché love story, when it was the exact opposite. Addison almost flinched at the I-don't-really-care-it-was-a-long-time-ago kind of way the brunette had just told her she wouldn't be here now if it'd been entirely up to her.

"He covered my ass.", she went on, chuckling the slightest bit.

"I'd probably still be locked up if he hadn't told these doctors some lame excuse for why my arm would be cut open almost completely. We got married as soon as they let me leave the hospital."

Melody Karev could almost still taste that night. It'd been cold, they'd been sitting in the car, driving back to Genville. Then, suddenly, without a warning, he'd asked:

"_Why don't we get married?"_

He hadn't even looked at her. Just out of the front window. Maybe in case there was another girl lying on the street trying to die. She'd answered, smiling:

"_Yeah, why don't we?"_

And that'd been it. Now, looking back at it, Mel knew he'd probably been trying to save her. Secretly hoping to get some salvation out of it as well. Well, the first he had managed. The latter? Not so much.

"We moved in together and things started to change for me. I told myself I was deeply in love with the guy who'd practically saved my life. I got used to the domestic stuff, feeling finally free of the burden that I'd considered living, without having to die first. Frankly, I healed."

Again, Addison's brow quirked.

"And now you're probably thinking something along the lines of 'Then why the hell was there no happy ending?'. Well, the answer's easy. I healed. Alex didn't. I mean, he pretended to be happy with me. He was never unfaithful. We hardly ever fought. But every time I started talking about kids or some other 'scary' issue, he'd avoid me. I'd try fooling myself, insisting he was simply a guy who didn't do kids and barbecues. But I knew Alex. I always have and I always will. He'd be the most amazing Dad in the history of the world. If only he wasn't too scared..."

She laughed a very joyless laugh. In fact this was about the saddest topic in the history of the world. Alex Karev and his failure to like himself.

"He doesn't trust himself. He's scared as hell he'll hurt his wife, his kids, even if he would never physically harm them. You know, people like Alex, they tend to mess up. I left him when I realized I wasn't the girl to heal him. I'd tried, but I wasn't. Told him to not come back until he was finally okay. That I'd probably move on, too. And this is", I told her with a pointed look, "where you come in. I suppose there was at least one girl before you, someone he'd accidentally hurt. Another injury, another scar he's hiding."

Oh no, had she really just said that? A grimace of disgust formed on her face.

"Okay, scratch that, that was cheesy cliché novel style. That doesn't really suit Alex. Anyway, from the way he's been looking at you ever since I first saw you together, I know you've been close. That he's chickened out somewhere along the way, as early as possible, before either of you could get really hurt. That you met me? Not part of the plan. He wanted you out of his life, before it could get serious."

Mel shrugged nonchalantly. It was something so incredibly _like_ Alex. Pushing away the only thing that kept him sane, just so it – _her_ in this case – would remain sane.

"Frankly, he didn't even want the option of maybe some day failing you. My guess? You could heal him. He won't let you. Thus, I conclude my practiced ranting, telling you to go kick his ass and tell him it's worth taking the risk. 'Cause hell, even a blind man looking in your general direction would see that you guys are so keen on refusing to fall in love with each other, that you fail to notice you already have."

And with that, a little smirk and an almost unnoticeable bow, Melody Karev left the room, leaving a very confused redhead behind.

* * *

**A/N: Looking forward to hearing whether you liked it! I'll write a McBlog entry 'bout it, too, maybe you want to check it out? **

**Tomorrow, I'll have a little oneshot for you, if I ever get to using the computer. It'll be called 'Happy Birthday' and I hope some of you will read! It's not only Addex, but you'll find out once you read.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's, someone would tell Addie what is wrong with Alex, so that she could be aggressive about it. Meaning: Go and get her man. Sadly, not even the Addison in this story does that. Quite yet.**

**A/N: Yeah, I know my updating sucks. And the chapter I had wanted to write next wanted to wait another round, so it could be 'Karma XI'. Thus, this is not as good. Sorry. Also, my 'Happy Birthday' oneshot still isn't finished and I don't know whether I'll ever publish it. The other one-shot is in progress, I'm working on it. You should go and read 'The bet', though. It's my first smut fic and I think it's quite... agreeable. 'Room service?' might get an update soon. Might.**

**Anyway, have fun with this chapter. Sorry, I know the chapter's rather boring and useless. **

**THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE DEDICATED TO YOU! I promise, it'll will make you drool. I know it'll make me...**

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While the two women had been talking – unbeknown to him – Alex had made a friend. Sure, the guy had to be like at least ten years younger than he was, but he seemed nice. Apparently he liked surfing and some chick named Naomi. Alex figured he was talking about someone who worked at Oceanside Wellness Group, though he hadn't really taken his time to find out more about the staff there. The only people, who worked there, that he cared about where his wife and a certain redhead. The first, he hadn't found yet, and the seconds hated his guts. Thus he thought, why spend the day in the hotel, when he could just as well go to the beach and (pretend to be) check(ing) some hot LA chicks out?

It turned out, this Dell guy worked at OWG, too. Surprise, surprise, since they'd met when Alex had been on his way back to the hotel, and the other guy had been on his way to work. Apparently he was some sort of clerk.

They'd talked a little, Alex had told him he was here for Melody, but knew Addison, and since he had nothing else to do, they'd decided to go for a surf. It seemed like Dell always went to the beach at one and came back at two. Obviously, Alex wouldn't be able to go into the water, he did have a cast and all, but chose to come with him anyway.

So now he was lying on the beach, enjoying the sun. He was grateful he'd brought some swimming trunks with him, since he didn't really have the money to buy some in a store here. There was only stuff by Gucci or Armani or some other fancy label that no mortal man could pay for. Right now, he was having a little discussion with Dell about their respective women (okay, truth to be told, Dell had no clue about anything Alex/Addison related, all he knew was that they'd worked together),

"Dude, what the hell is she doing here... I mean, you just told me she's got like two patients per day tops. She used to have at least four back in Seattle. She has to be dying of boredom.", Alex stated, "Plus, she's one of the top neonatal surgeons in the world. Her talent's absolutely wasted as long as she works at a place like that-... no offense."

"If you ask me, she left Seattle because of a guy. Or several guys. Dunno."

Alex opened a lazy eye. No, that hadn't really captured his interest... Not at all... Sarcasm, sarcasm...

"What makes you think that?"

"She kept going on and on about people with weird Mc-somethings."

"Oh.", Alex said. McNicknames? She'd only been talking about guys with McNicknames? He didn't have a McNickname. She hadn't even bothered mentioning him? Had he meant _that_ much to her?

Little did he know, the only reason why she hadn't breathed a word about what'd happened between them was that she'd been embarrassed, feeling like a 'twelve-year-old' shouldn't be able to make her go all weak in the knees, just by smiling in her general direction. Let alone his tendency to say perfect things. Or the fact that every time they'd touched, there'd been so much electricity, she'd felt like jumping him. Addison had thought, she'd gotten too attached, for no good reason (at least not for reasons she'd actually admitted to herself), and that the rejection had not only felt like a punch in the gut, but had also been the most humiliating experience ever.

Yeah, Alex didn't know any of that.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Meanwhile, Addison was getting a little desperate and depressed and in need of someone she could talk to. She felt like a total bitch. After having heard Alex' story (told by Melody), she had never felt more stupid in her entire life. How could she have assumed she was the only one with problems? Hell, her problems seemed like sweet, tasty cake in comparison to Alex' messed up childhood / adolescence / adulthood. She'd acted like the world revolved around her. Why had she not been able to see what he had to be feeling like all the time? It made sense, it explained everything. And she had been god damn blind.

She couldn't even believe she'd ever been disappointed, that she'd thought he was a bad guy after all. For more than a second, she was kind of glad he'd decided to turn her down. If she couldn't even begin to grasp what he'd been through, if she'd been absolutely clueless for so long, even though it'd been staring in her face, she could hardly be the one to 'heal' him, right?

Addie didn't even try denying every word Melody had said was true. Their history was not more of a lie than the observation, that she was so in love with her ex-intern it made her feel stupid and insignificant.

So she did what Addison did when she needed help, she dialed Callie's number. Once more, she started talking without even waiting for someone to say their name.

"God, you won't believe what I'm about to tell you..."

"Uh... Again, I'm not Callie. Do you want me to get her for you?", George O'Malley asked uncomfortably. Addison sighed. She had the feeling this would be only the first of many sighs to follow in the course of that phone call.

"Sure, O'Malley. I appreciate you not wanting to hear all the gossip I got. It's none of your business anyway."

"Callie? It's Dr Montgomery! She sounds a little down.", he added in a low voice. A little? Hell, she'd never felt worse! Of course, she didn't yell about that at poor O'Malley. He'd find out soon enough. Along with the whole rest of the hospital.

"What did he do this time?", Callie asked, as soon as she'd picked up the phone.

"Nothing.", sigh number two, "I just found out why he's the way he is. And that I'm apparently in love with him."

There it was. She'd actually said it. Wow, it really was true, wasn't it? Okay, not that much of a surprise.

"Oh, you realized that just now?", Callie laughed, "I've known for ages."

"You have? Oh... Now I feel pathetic.", she stated, accompanied by sigh number three.

"So, what's the big news?", the Ortho-resident asked after there'd been silence for a few seconds.

And Addison spent the next half-hour telling Callie all the things Melody Karev had shared with her. After many other sighs (she had stopped counting around 50), a little hysterical laughter, and depressing things that needed acknowledging, Callie breathed:

"Wow. That's some heavy stuff. What are you gonna do now?"

"I have no clue.", sigh, "Can't you tell me?"

"Nuh-uh. At least now I know I was right about him."

True, it'd been Callie who'd told her that Alex could be the kids and barbecue guy. And even though Melody had said, he himself would never admit that, because he was too scared, Addison now knew with 100 per-cent certainty that he, indeed, was.

"You were, I wasn't.", sigh, "I yelled at him."

"Stop feeling guilty.", her friend insisted, "He was being a jackass and you couldn't possibly know any of this. Seriously, do not beat yourself up over it."

Addison sighed. Again. She did understand it was getting a little pathetic. She did.

"You're probably right. It's still not the best feeling in the world, you know? I just feel like-... I don't know, like I should have handled things differently."

Callie somehow sensed the redhead would not turn into a scary imitation of Izzie Stevens (all bubbly and excited) anytime soon, which reminded her of something... Something that might have potential of making Addison forget about her guy problem for a minute or two.

"I know how to cheer you up!", she exclaimed, "Gossip. You like gossip, right?"

"Yeah.", the redhead uttered. Damn, had that been a little sniff? She _so_ needed distraction.

"Izzie Stevens and McSteamy are together!"

It was true. The entire hospital couldn't believe it. The nurses had just formed a club called 'Nurses United Against Mark Sloan', because he'd apparently been in bed with all the halfway attractive ones (something that honestly noone had been all that surprised about) and now didn't seem to be able to close their mouths, sometimes, because their jaws had dropped to the floor at the thought of him being a 'BOYFRIEND', sometimes, because they needed to gossip. Apparently gossip was what kept Seattle Grace nurses alive.

"WHAT?", the redhead on the other side of the phone shrieked. Obviously she was as stunned as everyone else was.

"Uh-huh. They hooked up yesterday and apparently they're serious about it."

It was kind of a relief. Izzie seemed to have given up on George and be disturbingly couplish with Mark. Not that there hadn't been some tension between those two (meaning McStizzie, as the nurses now called them) forever.

"Oh my god...", Addison gasped, in disbelief.

"Weird, I know.", Callie smiled, then decided to check:

"Did it help?"

"A little.", Addison smirked weakly. Then an entirely different thing captured her eye. The clock. It was one fifty-one... Oooh, this would definitely help...

"Gotta go...", she said quickly and hung up.

"Addison? Addison!", Callie asked, suddenly alone. Oh, she didn't even want to know what had happened now.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison was too busy hurrying to her seat in the lobby to even think about leaving Callie like that. As soon as she reached it, she quickly sat down and grabbed a magazine, needing a disguise. After a half-minute, Naomi appeared and took a seat next to her.

"Who should be ashamed of herself now?", Addison's best friend grinned.

Of course, she was. Ashamed of herself. Kind of. But it was justified. Sometimes you simply needed a happy pill. And whether it was sick and twisted or not, this always worked.

"Shut up, I'm having a bad day.", she answered, though a little embarrassed, "Besides, you're here, too."

For a second or so, Addison felt a little guilty. It was true, Naomi was her best friend. Usually, best friends talked and knew things about each other. But Naomi had no clue just why exactly Addie was having a bad day. Hell, she didn't even know someone like Alex Karev even existed! She never had talked about him and unless Pete had told someone... Well, she just couldn't know.

"Never said _I_ was ashamed of myself.", Naomi grinned, only to look up at another female figure rushing towards them, taking the last empty seat.

"Did I miss it?", Violet asked, a little out of breath.

"No, he's late.", Addie smirked. Apparently she was not the only one who needed a happy pill today. And lusting over mancandy (even if that guy wasn't even five years old) always did make you feel better, didn't it?

"Addison? Nice of you to join us.", Vi grinned.

"Shut u-...", the redhead started, but got interrupted by a very delicious sight. Apparently Dell was finally here.

And then all rational thought mysteriously left her brain, because he was not alone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's, I wouldn't be worried about my French grade. I'd be worried about crazy fans either wanting to hug me to death or to kill me in some other sick and twisted way.**

**A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know. It took me ages. I was not in the mood to write the chapter, which is - in fact - a little bit of a miracle itself, since it should have been a totally funny chapter. But I didn't and thus I'm apologizing. Thank you to Christine Grey who kicked my ass about it. **

**I usually don't do that, but since it's been so long, I decided to give you the last lines of the last chapter so you have any clue where this is starting. I think it's fun. Check my McBlog for further ramblings (you know the drill).**

**To those who are still with me: Enjoy and please review!**

_

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"Did I miss it?", Violet asked, a little out of breath._

_"No, he's late.", Addie smirked. Apparently she was not the only one who needed a happy pill today. And lusting over mancandy (even if that guy wasn't even five years old) always did make you feel better, didn't it?_

_"Addison? Nice of you to join us.", Vi grinned._

_"Shut u-...", the redhead started, but got interrupted by a very delicious sight. Apparently Dell was finally here._

_And then all rational thought mysteriously left her brain, because he was not alone._

"Oh wow, who's the new mancandy?", Naomi asked with a grin (hidden behind the magazine she was peaking over).

She looked over to see if Addison had an answer, but all she could see was a woman on fire. Burning. Mouth half-open and obviously staring.

"Addison?", Naomi frowned, "Addison? Hello? Earth to Addison!"

Well, apparently her friend knew the new mancandy. 'Knew'. Yeah, right. Okay then.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Addison couldn't breathe. The air seemed to be on fire. She felt like she had to get rid of all her clothes just to escape the god damn heat, but couldn't even move. You couldn't call it frozen to place, since she was practically burning. Usually, she lusted. This, on the other hand, was solo-sex without even doing anything other than watching him.

Oh man, she'd totally forgotten just how good he looked naked. Okay, not naked. But-... At least he was shirtless. And all she wanted to do was jump him (again) and have her very naughty way with him (again). Seeing these abs... Chest... Back... Legs... Hell, even his hands! Everything about Alex Karev was hot as hell. A Greek god would seem rather pale in comparison to him. Hm... Bad, bad thoughts... Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad-...

Then, she received a slap on the back of her skull.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery! You're drooling!", Naomi exclaimed.

"Am I?", she tried to say, but it came out in a weird gigglish way, that turned into embarrassingly loud hysterical laughter. Which didn't stop. And made every eye in the room fall on her. A fact that made her laugh even more. This was most likely the most ridiculous moment in her life. She knew she was more than pathetic, positively gone crazy, and that she'd never be able to live this down. She was embarrassed beyond measure, but couldn't stop laughing.

Karma was a bitch. A really mean, hellish, stupid, cruel bitch. It couldn't give her a moment of peace, could it? All she'd wanted was to watch Dell-candy and enjoy the show to make herself feel better. To forget her nagging problem (named Alex Karev). And what did Karma do? It undressed said problem and put it right in front of her eyes. Mean. Seriously. Not that she was complaining.

"I think she's experiencing some sort of psychotic breakdown. Or she's drunk.", she distantly heard Violet state, though she was still unable to stop with the horrible laughing.

"You might be right about that..." , Addison choked out.

Psychotic breakdown? Possible. Wouldn't surprise her. Drunk? Drunk on mancandy and guilt and hysterical laughter? Duh. Yeah. Definitely.

"Oh god, Karma's a bitch...", was the last thing she managed to utter, before she found herself falling off the chair and onto the floor. Apparently she'd run out of air.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

When she regained consciousness , Alex was hovering over her, along with everyone else (not that they really mattered). Which, once more, gave her a very, very, very interesting view. Without planning on, she started to grin, checking him out pretty shamelessly.

"Do me a favor, Karev.", she exclaimed, half-laughing, half-dying of embarrassment, "Put a shirt on, or I might just faint again."

Alex' eyes widened for a second with surprise, then a little twinkle in them chased the worry away.

"She's fine.", he grinned his indescribably hot grin.

Had Addison been able to look at anything but him, she would have noticed the others exchanging suspicious looks or heard amused not really suppressed giggles. Truth to be told, even if that had been the case, she wouldn't have cared a whole lot. Because after all this drama, this was the first moment when noone was screaming in anger. In fact, the whole situation was relaxed and funny (probably due to the fact that she was throwing a laughing fit over just how good her ex-intern looked half-naked and her own patheticness) and she could almost fully focus on not feeling guilty. Almost.

Unfortunately, as soon as he extended his hand to help her up and she grabbed it, the seriousness was back and her embarrassed smile melted away like a freaking snow flake. Even while standing up, the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach started again.

"I'm sorry, Alex.", she muttered. He didn't get it. His brows furrowed a little, the look in his eyes changed right back to worry, but he still kept his voice rather playful when he said:

"Nothing to apologize for."

Addison didn't really care that there was audience. In fact, she hardly saw them. What she needed to do was apologize.

"No, seriously. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have treated you this way, I mean, I didn't even know anything about-..."

He jerked his hand out of hers and interrupted her with a sharp:

"What did she tell you?"

And it couldn't be more obvious that he got what she was talking about, that the though of Melody having told Addie about his messed up life filled him with panic and that there was nothing she could to to calm him again. Yeah, the relaxed atmosphere was long gone.

"I really am sorry.", she simply whispered, trying to find anything other than fear in his eyes. She did. Anger. There was anger.

"What the fucking hell did she tell you?", Alex yelled.

When he didn't get any other answer than a trembling lip, he turned around and almost ran off.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's, noone'd still be watching, because there'd be like one episode per year.**

**A/N: So, it's been at least seven months since I last wrote anything Grey's related. Which makes me a horrible person. I don't know how that happened, but I somehow stopped writing fanfictions (if you don't count the meaningless Dramione one-shots). **

**I'm trying to get back into the mood right now and I'm sorry that the chapter isn't very good, but at least it is an update. That has to count for something, right? **

**I owe you all a huge sorry. Hope, you're still with me. **

"So, who's the hottie?", asked Violet.

Addison felt the need to pace. Not that she usually did that, but she wanted to, anyway. Emphasis on 'wanted to' and 'felt the need to'. As a matter of fact, she didn't exactly have enough energy left to do more than maybe open and close her mouth. Thus, she was almost hanging in one of the chairs, trying to fend off her curious friends.

"He's-... uh... Melody's husband. Alex. Karev."

"And?"

"And what?"

"You're my best friend and I like you. Most of the time. I cannot believe you've kept this from me."

The redhead merely quirked a brow.

"She's talking about how you passed out because of the mancandy.", Vi explained, sounding a little over-joyous, "I am a psychiatrist, you know. If there's anything I know it's that people who pass out because of mancandy – no matter how delicious – have a connection with said mancandy."

"Fine, fine. He was my intern back in Seattle and we might have had sex."

"Ha, I knew it.", Violet grinned the same moment Naomi exclaimed:

"You slept with a married man?"

Addison quickly defended herself:

"I didn't know he was married. Nor anything else about his past. And now I do and I'm sorry I treated him like crap. Not that I didn't have reason to, but I shouldn't have."

"Explain.", both women said intimidatingly.

"That'd take ages! And it's none of your business."

"Oh, I think it is.", Vi nodded and continued through gritted teeth:

"Not only am I insanely jealous, but also really, seriously pissed at you for not mentioning any of this!"

There was no way she could escape them.

"Alright, point taken.", Addison sighed, "I can tell you my point of view, but his story is not mine to share. He's obviously mad enough at Melody for telling _me_."

And that, that she was completely right about.

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

Melody had known he'd want to find her. Possibly freak out at her a little. Thus, she'd chosen to go someplace where he'd easily locate her: His hotel. Or the porch of it, more like. And – haha, really unexpected – he showed up around 1.23 pm.

Even from some meters distance she could see he was fuming. If she didn't know him any better, he'd frighten her. Dangerous as he seemed. But Alex was Alex. Even though she wasn't exactly relaxed and happy inside about this - inevitably catastrophic – talk, it wasn't like she had to prepare herself for punches. Not even real insults. The only way he offended her was always his ignorance, that he didn't like himself the tiniest bit and that he was so hell-bent on refusing to be okay for once in his life. Nope, no real danger. Just Alex. The same scared 17-year-old she'd met lying on a street somewhere in the middle of Iowa.

"Thank you.", he forced out as soon as he was in a five-meter radius.

"What for?", Melody asked calmly.

"Addison. You told her."

"Alex...", she sighed, shaking her head the tiniest bit. She wasn't even going to say anything – simply reprehending him a little for the sake of it - when he started yelling:

"I trusted you! I expected you to keep it a secret!"

Nothing she hadn't seen coming. Of course he was putting up a fight. He couldn't just really thank her, since he didn't get that she'd actually helped him a whole lot instead of ruined his life. Okay, shared it a little.

"She deserves to know.", she shrugged. Nope, he wouldn't see that right away. It'd take some convincing.

"THIS IS NOT HER BURDEN TO BEAR!", Alex yelled.

Melody turned on her heels and sharply hissed:

"AND YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SUFFERS BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT YOU DO HAVE A SHOT AT HEALING!"

Yeah. He and his constant denial, it upset her. Riled her up. Made her angry. Furious. Enraged her. Whatever word there was that had anything to do with uncontrolled wrath and hostility.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She let a little of the air she had in her lungs – that she had prepared for screaming – out and started explaining.

"I healed. I was messed up and I'm fine now. It hurts me that you still can't at least try to open up a little."

Since he seemed to want to interrupt her, she simply put up her arms as a defense – a metaphorical gesture if anything - and quickly kept going:

"I know, I know, you're scared and feel vulnerable whenever you tell anyone the tiniest bit about you, but I need you to be okay and you'll never be if you continue like this. And you and your everlasting quest to not hurt anyone? Have you ever considered that maybe isolating yourself from everyone hurts them more than having the real you around ever could?"

"Mel-..."

"I am perfectly serious, Alex, and you know that. Just look at your redhead. She was in the middle of the process of falling hard for you and you dumped her after you found out you might eventually perhaps not be good enough for her."

"Mel-..."

"Shut up for a second, will ya?"

Now, she was really getting started.

"You having a wife? Yeah, that hurt her. The things you said to her? Yeah, those weren't a piece of cake for her either. Finding out about your past? Yeah, definitely painful. But you know what I think? I think you'll never be able to hurt her again, because now she knows. She finally gets the reasons behind your actions. And had you told her yourself, I wouldn't have had to do it. You'd already be the perfectly happy couple. You, Alex Karev, yes, you, you'd be happy. SO STOP BEING SCARED, GOD DAMNIT! LIVE! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! SHE LOVES YOU, YOU LOVE HER AND IF YOU COULD JUST START TRYING YOU MIGHT COME TO THE SAME FREAKIN' CONCLUSION THAT I HAVE!"

"I want a divorce."

They stared each other in the eye for a few seconds, Alex' crooked grin versus Melody's death glare. Then, the tension left her body and she sighed in relief.

"About damn time."

_addexaddexaddexaddexaddex_

"You're in love with him."

Addison was sitting there, her head in her hands, answering through gritted teeth. This was like an inquisition. The next thing Violet was going to do was get a judge and sentence her to be burned at the stake.

"Yes.", she answered through gritted teeth, wishing the humiliation was over already. Besides, this was somewhat depressing.

"With the twelve-year-old."

"Yes."

"The insanely hot twelve-year-old who used to be your intern and is married to your secretary and who you had sex with only once and who dumped you afterwards."

"Yes."

"Okay. That's a problem."

So that was her professional diagnosis? Wonderful! Simply wonderful. Very, very, very constructive. Really something she could work with. Irony, irony.

"You're a psychiatrist. You do get that you're not very helpful at the moment, right?", Addison half-snapped, half-whined, half-simply stated (Okay, that'd be one and a half, wouldn't it?) at her colleague/friend/whatever. Vi only shook her head, though.

"I'm not being a psychiatrist right now, I'm being a lonely single woman who's pining for her pathetic ex and who's about to die of jealousy.", for some reason Addison could not quite understand, she threw her hands in the air, "Geez, Addison! Did you not see the way he looked at you?"

"What did he look at me like?"

"If you can't figure that out on your own, you honestly don't deserve my help."

"What's his relationship with the Mrs like?", Naomi interjected.

Addison thought about it for a second, but the answer was actually rather obvious. Or not. But it was. Sort of.

"I don't know... Friendly?", she finally shrugged.

Her best friend nodded as if she'd expected that very answer.

"Divorce time, then."

Addie finally looked up, wondering what was the right facial expression right now, surprised (in a good or in a bad way?), disbelieving or hopeful.

"You think?"

"Yes, I do."

For a second or so, the 'hopeful' won, but then she slumped back to her confused and frustrated state and her face was buried in her hands again.

"Not that that would change anything.", she would have shaken her head, but frankly, she was too tired.

"Everything kind of...", it was a mess, really, "spun out of control..."

"Do you care?", Vi asked sharply.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"'Cause if you don't stop being scared soon, I'll have to literally kick your ass. And I dare say you'd find that slightly humiliating, not to mention painful."

And this was how both Alex and Addison were convinced by their friends that them being together might be a good idea. Let's call it a push in the right direction.


End file.
